census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize