girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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