I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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