pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
the night ended with taco bell and tears
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
