Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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