We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
