i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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