He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
