she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
