Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
