Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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