I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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