did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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