Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
