Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
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