Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I touched a dick in church today
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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