my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
