I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
