The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
