my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
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