Have you finally orgasmed yet?
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize