i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
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