I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
