Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Randomize
