Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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