I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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