ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
are you so shy because you have an std?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
