the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
