I will die if light touches me.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
