why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
