i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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