I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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