i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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