so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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