All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
