normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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