Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
