So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
