At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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