got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
