haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
