11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
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