I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
