Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
