when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Randomize
