he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
