You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize