She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
