does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
