A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
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