you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
