What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize