I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
