I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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