A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
