Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I have aggressive nipples.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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