The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize
