About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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