I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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