I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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