K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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