i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
