is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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