I'm eating all of the evidence.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize