Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
