is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Randomize
