I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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