we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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