Well douche your snatch and let's go!
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
