So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
