Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
