cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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