Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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