dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Randomize
