it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
