I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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