sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Randomize
