47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize