Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize