my room smells like sperm. sweet.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
