Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize