I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Randomize