A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
