UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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