he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
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