Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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