dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
