not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
