How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
farters have to be the big spoon...
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
