Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
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