the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
