where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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