dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
