Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
