I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Randomize
