3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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